Grammar Naziing, By A Professional: Holding In The Key

There appears to be a little trend going about with girls ranging from the ages of 12-Dumbass where they insist upon holding in the key of the letter they're using to spell a word. Example: "Roaddd trip! Goin to get tha babyyy. I misssssedd her so much. " Now, I'm going to ignore the lack of punctuation and the absolutely infuriating way she spelled 'the', because they are not a part of the topic at hand. I'm going to assume that there are really only a small number of reasons for a person (see: brain attached to a fluid sack with fingers) to do this. The first is being a bit nice, but I'm a fair and just man, as I'm sure you're all well aware.  Emphasis. Maybe they're just trying to make what they typed seem more important by adding pointless letters. Allow me to illustrate the flaws in this idea. "Tommy grabbed his dick firmly, images of his mother swimming through his mind." An interesting sentence to say the least, but let's see what happens when we apply this little method that the cumdumpsters of the internet have so happily coined. Remember, this is an attempt at hypothesis one, 'Emphasis'. "Tommmmmmy grabbed his dickkkkk firmly, imagessss of his mother swimmmmmming through his minddd." You see my point? It's about as effective as slapping other random letters rather than holding in the button. Example: "Tomdgsgsdghsdgmy grabbdfgdsgeed his dick firsdgsdgsdgmly, imagesdiogsdgsd..." You get the idea. Now, another option is that they're emulating in text how they sound in real life. I'm sure you've heard it, a low whine that is intended to sound 'cute' and 'endearing' but actually makes them sound like they're choking on a chicken bone from a hot wing they got at the local Popeye's. "Ooohhh, he's soooooo cute!", this sort of thing with a volume and pitch that is both unacceptable and previously unfathomable by yours truly, and probably anyone else sharing the same downstairs as me (at birth, you trannies d [...]

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