Going To School For Music Business

Every scene kids dream is to go out on tour, and of course scene kids think that the key to becoming a tour manager or a merch dude (because apparently selling merch is now a career) is not learning the industry by becoming a part of it, but rather by going to school for music business. In the scene, going to music business school is the latest trend. With programs popping up at every caliber of university and college, the smartest and dumbest scenesters are hopping on the band wagon, expecting to become the next Jason Flom. Little do they realize, the music industry is dying, and getting one man MacBook bands signed is not going to save it . The majority of scene kids think that working in the music industry is just something you wake up and do, or something you get into by having a really cool Myspace page. In the mind of a scenester, this is how a day of going to school for music business goes: 11 am: Tour Showers 101 - how to dry shampoo your hair and Febreeze yourself to perfection. 1pm: Lunch: How to live on $3 a day; the Ramen Method. 2pm: How to Make Laminates II ( yeah, the ones with the holograms, bitch ) 4pm: Tour Management: Setting the Alarm, Signing The Merch Sheet, and Bro-ing Down. 8pm-3am: Internship at *insert scenester label, clothing line, venue*, earning  3 credits in their “PARTY-ARTY-ARTYING: Drink Till You Drop” course. Unfortunately, this is not the case. When Ashley Xtr33m gets to college, and realizes she is taking an overpriced marketing program worth nothing if she is unsuccessful in the music industry, it is all too late, and by then, she’s already got too many embarrassing tattoos to ever get a real job anyways…

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