Of English Insignificants

  Let me start by saying that I do realize that several, if not MOST English majors became English majors because they have a talent and passion for writing itself. I am aware, do not flood my e-mail telling me that you are some 'exception' to the rant that is to follow, because I'll just laugh at you for not paying attention. Now, to my point.  I'm sure you might know one, whether or not you realize it or not, if you know any English Major at all. They think that have mounted, fucked and CONQUERED the English language. They think that to make any sort of grammatical mistake makes you less of a human being, makes you less worthy to speak to them. Let me interject here for a moment and just say that at least a grasp of the language is necessary to make intelligent conversation, be it text or verbal. A sense of spelling, the proper use of periods and capitalization at the very least. Commas are optional, but they definitely help. No, you don't have to know the precise use of a semi-colon to have a conversation of some merit. At any rate, the English majors in question seem to share the belief amongst themselves that because they spent, what? Two, four years in college? Studying the English language that suddenly they can put a pen to paper, finger to key, quill to parchment or what have you and change the very face of literature as we know it. Now, please allow me to point out the flaws in this logic, my dear English majors. In fact, to seperate you from your kin who actually have the aforementioned talent and passion for writing, I will call you English insignificants. The flaws in this logic are as follows:

• Yes, you can speak and write the language in a more 'proper' manner, perhaps with a larger vocabulary. But, do you have any sort of imagination? Do you even have a story in your head? If not, then I fail to see how you plan to wow the masses with your vast [...]