How to make Brokencyde go away.

Let me start off by saying that this isn’t an article on things scene kids like, but rather an address to everyone “in the scene”. Brokencyde is the joke of the day. Everyone hates them, and yes, we know, the fact that they call themselves a band, and are allowed to make “music” is appalling. BUT, Brokencyde is GENIUS. Their whole purpose is to create such an anti-fandom that it generates them ten times the amout of press and buzz as any other band that is ten thousand times as talented. I don’t think people have really caught on. This band is a legitimate joke. They are working the scene to their advantage . Every time you, Buddy Neilsen, Anthony Raneri, Jason Tate, or anyone else posts something on any site about Brokencyde, they are only enabling them further. I wish I had thought of it sooner. I would have started a joke band, and been so awful and offensive that people could not do anything but talk incessantly about what a disgrace it was. With all of that coverage, Brokencyde is able to attract people, and somewhat of a reputation for at least being well known, and talked about EVERYWHERE, all the time. They’re making money just pissing people off, and getting a reaction that is actually kind of funny. I mean think about it, people, respected, well known musicians are taking time out of their lives to write about their utter disgust for what is, and has to be a joke. If you want Brokencyde to legitimately go away, stop talking about them. This blog post is technically contradicting my beliefs, but only in hopes of provoking a movement. For Brokencyde to vanish, people need to forget about them, just like every other mediocre band that attempts to break through. News websites and message boards, delete all of the threads created about Brokencyde. Fans of music and culture, erase them from your memory. If people continue to publicize their hate, they are simply publicizing the band, and thus further allowing them t [...]

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Vans Classics (as per request of Anthony Raneri)

As I’m sure many of you are aware, Anthony Raneri of Bayside wrote about us recently on his blog . Well this past week as NFG and Bayside rolled through South Florida, Matt was fortunate enough to meet up with him and the rest of the guys. They spoke about the site and Anthony said “You’ve gotta do a post on Vans Classics, …I’ve been dogging on all the guys the last few days on tour.” So this one is for the Bayside crew, thanks for the tremendous hospitality and killer mini LOST setup on the bus. oooh and p.s. every one of you should be “ Holdin’ It Down With Hodge “. And now for Keat and the post: Just in case you didn’t know, before they were the scenester-fixie must have shoe, Vans Classics were actually skate shoes.  (Note: This was also when the counter-culture rode skateboards instead of bikes that do not have breaks ). The Lords of Dogtown repped vans before you even knew what a guitar was. Being around since the 80s, Vans have some history that does not just pertain to “the scene”. Since they hit the music world, it doesn’t matter if they lace up, slip on, have high tops, the white V, and/or velcro laces,  Vans Classics are simple, clean, and part of a footwear cult. Who needs Kool Aid and Reeboks when you’ve got trendy shoes reel you in instead? Vans has collaborated with your favorite artists to bring even musically in tune kicks, (see: No Doubt Vans I constantly lust over in a Women’s size 11 or a Men’s 9… contact us if you have a pair ), as well as what might as well be the Brokencyde Collection , coming in 85 different colors with rainbow checkers, neon teddy bears, flamingoes, and Audrey Kitching’s new fave, the “ there’s a watermelon on my foot…oh wait, that’s my shoe”. The worst of the not so classic Classics is by far the Payless knockoff . This goes for any pair of shoes, but especially Chucks and Vans. Ev [...]

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Words of Advice from Christian McKnight

This is going on the Stuff Scene Kids SHOULD Like page, but since Tumblr is hating me, here’s a teaser. If you haven’t started following us on Tumblr , or reading the syndicated feed up in the menu bar, check it out! You may find something you like! http://stuffscenekidsshouldlike.tumblr.com -Keaton

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Glamour Kills

Glamour Kills is like the head cheerleader of scenester clothing lines: she’s been with every dirty band dude in basically every band on Myspace, and has all the little girls want to look just like her. She started out as any other clothing line, with a hardly genius logo, and tacky, neon graphics, but it doesn’t matter, just throw JaGK Barakat on Stickam with a GK shirt on, and its sure to be a hit. Glamour Kills’ was one step ahead of the “I want to start my own clothing line” train. They were the first to throw all their shirts at scene bands everywhere, and like “ YOU WON A FREE IPOD” ads on the internet, GK was (and still is) everywhere. A few “ IM A FASHIONISTA ” prints and Warped Tours later, GK has denim (which, I’m not going to lie, looks really nice), bathing suits, a skate team, and from what I hear i s starting a record label that’s going to be a subsidiary of Atlantic, and is supposedly signing ex-Parade The Day, aka Clouds and Cities. (Not that that would really be a release to get excited about). Maybe GK maintains their status in the clothing line world because they’ve got the NY/NJ Scenester L33T crew (see: Action Item ’s Mark Shami, Dang Bang, Nicole Buckley, and All Time Low ’s merch boy Vinny Vegas) modeling their shirts, or maybe its the All Time Low studio blog, jam packed with extra hairy legs and Blink 182 covers. Whatever it is, don’t forget that Glamour Kills still has the same logo as the low carb bread at Whole Foods, and the low carb diet was a) never scene, and b) so 2003.

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Literary Analysis

Nothing is scener than being able to one up your friends by pulling out some deep meaning from a lyric or a poem thanks to your high school English class.  Why just show off your fashion sense (or lack there of) when you can show off your (not so) profound intellect. Great for making you sound like a pretentious asshole, scenesters love finding metaphors, double entendres, imagery, and puns in anything they can. Scene Kid 1: “Dude, Shaant is such a genius! Don’t you get it “it just deepens/depends on how far down you can go” is saying that the more dick you suck, the bigger a whore you are. He’s like a lyrical Einstein!” Scene Kid 2: Yeah, but Buddy from Senses Fail is so much more intellectual. He reads..poetry… Scene Kid 1: I suppose so, but just cause he reads Bukowski doesn’t mean he is Bukowski. Scene Kid 2: Yeah, whatever…… you just don’t get it dude… The only cooler than being able to read between the lines of your favorite scenester jams is being able to write your own words with thirty different meanings. Next to any good scene kid’s copy of Everybody Hurts is a thesaurus and a dictionary. While scribbling away in their Moleskines, scene beans can up their so-called complexity with a fluffy word replacement. “Your love circles my ribcage like a rope, dragging me down with you and every single neon pair of Nike Dunks you wear….the metaphor for my love is as real as you and I John Ohh!” How’s that for “shallow as a shower”? Who really needs Keats, Dickinson , and Wordsworth when there are record stores full of material to be dissected by angsty boys and girls with swoopy haircuts and boat shoes…. really now?

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StuffSceneKidsLike in New York City

So this weekend I headed down to NYC to spend the weekend visiting the fam, and scoping out my future home (I’m moving to the city in the fall). I knew NYC was the hispter/scenester place to be, but I didn’t realize to what extent… Here are some of my scene-tastic findings: (click Continue reading for some flics and pics) PS, in case you didn’t know. New York has its own breed of scenester: the hipster-scenester hybrid. You know, the people that went to every show at Knitting Factory, but still rep Williamsburg like its Jerusalem . As a friend of mine put it, they listen to Brand New and Arcade Fire I hopped off the subway at St. Mark’s place and what do I find? Some girls playing the ukulele. Sorry the video quality is kind of shitty…I still haven’t gotten my flip cam. They gave me a great rendition of Tearin’ Up My Heart. Travis at The Lomography store strapped 12 cameras around his neck, and  hooked it up with an interview. All the little squares behind him are lomo prints. It was really an incredible little store, and it would get you scenesters squirming, wishing Urban Outfitters had some cooler fittings for your lomo. I’m totally itching for the Diana with the Instax back…NGL. Check out http://www.lomography.com and http://repetitivecollective.com Wheatpaste: Nowhere in the world will you find as many wheatpastes as you will in NYC. Not only are they on every (previously) blank posting board and wood covering on construction sites, the majority of them are about indie movies, scenester; on the ~*DL~* bands, and dance parties in brooklyn . The Obama Roll : sushi + the new prez= scene as fuck. Pinkberry: The numero uno over priced frozen yogurt joint. There are knockoffs everywhere (see: Phileo in Philly, Yo Berry & Berry Line in Boston), but only in LA and NYC can you find Bronx, Ash and Pete’s fave dessert . I had Pomegranite with strawberries and bananas….. Froyo+pomegranate+overhyp [...]

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Dudes in Bands

Dudes in bands are the foundation of the scene. They’re scenesters’, hipsters’ and any other -sters’ bread and butter. Wether they’re fat or skinny, old or young, full of STDs or clean, drunk, sober, whatever particularity they may have it’s unimportant. As long as said dude plays something in some sort of remotely (even if it’s only on Twitter) successful band they’re a scenester magnet. I mean, i guess it makes sense…the scene is based on music, so without the dudes to make the bands there would be no scene, and thus no scene kids to love them and want to be them. Saporta, Bemis, and even the dudes in the background ( see: Josh from Four Year Strong ) can instantly become the center of every meet and greet the place their magic Sharpie on. The typical scene kid, in their never ending quest for a sliver of fame will listen attentively to the token band dude and desperately try to relate to them in hopes of some life tips… cause dudes in bands totally did the “how to be successful in life thing” the way it usually works out… My favorite thing about dudes in bands is that they stick out like a sore thumb, no matter where you are. In the city, they’ve got this swagger that only a musician could have. Not to mention the tight jeans, leather jackets and/or flannel and slip ons and/or badass leather boots. In a mall, they’re always the ones peddling CDs outside of Hot Topic in their scene as fuck sack hats and deep v’s. And at Wal-Marts, they’re the ones in the shitty vans in the parking lot, taking grills from outside and “returning” them for store credit to stock up on the Top Ramen. No matter how classy or trashy, they’ll always be a staple, and every scene kid will always pine for a tall glass of guitar player when they get the chance.

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